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Chasing Andy Rooney
Why I’m More Embarrassed by My Nice Camera than By My Crappy TV
Newspaper Love Affair
Birthday Silhouette
Nothing Beats Watching Bad TV
Finding Change in Unsurprising Places
Holy Night
New Year, New Perspective
Soliloquies from My Soul
Getting Serious About Soup
I Believe in Magic (and I Hope You Do)
I’m Scared to Put a Hole in My Wall
I Haven’t Known Where I Am for Over Twelve Years
Valentine’s Day Presents Worth Remembering
The Comforting Joy of Repeat Vacation Destinations
Every Time I Order Coffee at a Restaurant, I Fear the Waitstaff Hates Me
The Best Customer Service Skill is Discretion
Why I’d Never Time Travel
My Forsaken Future as the Best Harmonica Player in the World
Nothing’s More Alluring than that Which May Yet Come
Going Through Life with a Refrigerator Mindset
Wrestlemania Hankerings
Reflective Spectrum: Past, Present and Future
The Great Chore Divide: Spring Cleaning Tips for Lazy Homeowners
Graduation Season is Upon Us
Toiletry Loyalty
Perennials and Broken Fences
Coffee Shop Perks
My 18-Year-Long Video Game Obsession
Most Hollywood Remakes Are Unnecessary
My Imperfect American Flag
Do Not Disturb: My Complicated History with Headphones
My Love for Small-Town Fairs
The Grass is Always Greener by the Slip ‘N Slide
Nobody Waves Hello in Connecticut
When Superheroes Become Ordinary
Suffering from Seating Anxiety
Air Conditioning Enforcer
Most of My Opinions are Worthless
The Family that Plays Together, Stays Together
A Decade of Dates: Celebrating Ten Years of Dating
My Many Different Trash-Collecting Lifestyles
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Facebook Community Forum
Who Will Tell Me When to Stop Worrying?
You Don’t Really Know a Person Until You’ve Played Cards with Them
I Resent Feeling Contemplative at the Beach
Phony Phone Voices
“The Magical Disappearing Properties of Grocery Store Aisles”
Finding a Scarecrow to Call My Own
Defending Moments of Hesitation
I’ve Never Had a Trick-or-Treater on Halloween
The State of Chris Gaffney
A Year of Uncommon Discourse
The Night Before Thanksgiving
Finally, It's Time to Wear My Christmas Sweater Again
The Best Seats in My House are in My Rocking Room
I Never Know When to Run the Dishwasher
Christmas Song Nostalgia
All About Eves
The Best is Yet to Come
Why Craft Beer Snobs Are the Worst
America is Stuck in Middle School
My Light Bulb Voodoo Curse
The Super Bowl is America’s Office Party
Sweepings from the Cutting Room Floor
People Are Stupider When I’m in a Bad Mood
A Simple Way to Start Winning More Conversations
Is it Rude to Bring Noise-Cancelling Headphones to My Child’s Birth?
Connecticut’s Obsession with Snowstorm Coverage
It Ain't Easy Being Green
I Can’t Stop Comparing My Newborn Baby to a Cat
Daddy Karaoke
April Fool's Day Isn't What It Used to Be
I Felt that I Belonged at Church - Until I learned I Didn’t
My Newborn Daughter Sees Ghosts
We All Need a Break from Politics
I Don't Trust My New Shoes Yet
To My Friends with Kids: Sorry I’ve Been Avoiding You
Reviving Mother's Day
Choosing the Perfect Baby Name
What I See When I’m Inspecting My Fresh-Cut Lawn
Don’t Live Like You are Dying, Live Like You Won a Small Amount of Money on a Scratch Lotto Ticket
Dispatches from a Stay-at-Home Dad: Newborn Edition
Dad Nods: The Oddly Charming Way Other Dads Holla Atcha
Summer Transformations
Two Awards Received Twenty Years Apart
The Irresistible Satisfaction of Saying I Told You So
Baby on Board: The Surreal Experience of Driving with a Baby
8 Ways to (Almost) Make a Baby Laugh
Thin Meats and Thick Cheeses: Navigating the Deli Department
Lessons from My 6-Month-Old Baby
Not Lost in the Traditional Sense
Parenting is Grooming Me to Become a Serial Killer
If Life Flashes Before Us When We Die, I Hope it Flashes Backward
Summer Doesn’t Stop for Labor Day
A Life Hack So Stupid I Had to Try It
Packing to Travel with a Baby: Lessons in Frustration
Forgetting is the Best Part of Remembering
Words I'm Scared to Say
In Defense of Trying
Let’s Change Columbus Day to Capitalism Day
Baby Peepers Loom Among Us
Outsourcing Halloween Costume Anxiety
Elections Have Consequences, Don’t Be One of Them
What It’s Like to Raise a 9-Month-Old Baby
When Expectations Confront Reality
This Year I’m Thankful for Naps
Good Night Suburban Home
Oh Crap, I’m Middle-Aged: Why’d I Google That?
Clip Show Column 2: The One-Liner Edition
Baby's First Christmas
New Years Humor Writing
What's in a Decade?
An Ode to Paper Towels
How I Became a Parenting Expert
There's Snow Place Like Home
Comparing Babies: Parents’ Favorite Pastime
Baby’s First Oscars: Lessons in Gratitude
Primary Care: My Journey from Presidential Primaries to Primary Caregiver
From Rags to Ridges: My Never-Ending Struggle to Clean Things with Grooves or Ridges
Ambition’s Ebb and Flow
You Can Never Have Too Many Books
Why Do I Let My Nephews Hit Home Runs in Wiffle Ball But Crush Them in Mario Kart?
Something Beautiful Happened Today
Grieving the Cost of Social Distancing
No Mo FOMO: Experiencing the Joy of Missing Out
“Why is She Just Sitting There?” and Other Questions I Ask My Baby Monitor
Everybody Loves a Surprise But Nobody Loves Every Surprise - Especially Babies
It Must Be Hard Having a Small Bladder as a Mailman
Though Comedy is Often Cruel, Humor Can Unite Us
Quit Pouring Sugar in My Lemonade
Mr. Mom Humor Writing
The Toddler Olympics are Now Underway
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