A year or two back, I started actively responding to pleasantries that people don’t really mean to offer. Most people mindlessly say “thank you,” “excuse me,” “sorry,” or any number of other pleasantries without realizing that they’re engaging in small signs of submissiveness. We can call them micro-submissions.

I used to laugh off these sort of interactions with a good-natured, “no problem,” or, “please, you have nothing to apologize for,” but once I started seeing them as signs of submission, I decided to lean into each one in order to validate and amplify my dominance.

It is a powerful checkmate-level move to turn awkward social interactions into contests you can win.

There is no acceptable response to “you’re welcome,” except for the other person to once again acknowledge their submissiveness. At that moment, you’ve taken an awkward situation and turned it into a win.

The most amusing part is that this is usually the first time the issuer even becomes aware that they’ve spoken.

If you’re interested in taking up this game, I suggest starting slowly with a sincere “you’re welcome” next time that somebody thanks you.

No matter how insignificant the action precipitating the “thank you” actually was, highlighting their acknowledgment is a sure way to win the social interaction. I appreciate having my benevolence recognized and take great pleasure in individually addressing each person who’s been helped by my generosity.

It’s amazing how many times we get thanked each day. Say for example that you push a door open extra wide to make it easier for someone behind you and they say “thanks.” That person has no idea what to do with a sincere “you’re welcome.”

Sure, things just got a little awkward, but you’re not the one to blame. It would be impolite not to say “you’re welcome,” and if you accompany it with sustained eye contact, they have no choice but to double-down on their submissiveness. It’s a great feeling.

The advanced level of this incredibly fun game is whole-heartedly accepting insincere apologies. Most people apologize far too often and for utterly ridiculous things.

These seem like technical knockouts since the other person has already conceded defeat, but tread carefully. Accepting the apology has a drastically different impact based on the apology’s appropriateness.

In scenarios where no apology is actually warranted, accepting it is too aggressive and causes you to lose the moral high ground. Strive to never penalize someone for demonstrating self-awareness and following appropriate social protocols.

A few scenarios where I’ve passed on accepting unnecessary apologies include: from someone already using a single-serve Keurig coffee machine when I approached with an empty cup, from someone leaving a single-occupancy public bathroom after I knocked, and from someone in front of me in line at Subway who ordered a second sandwich for a friend or spouse.

In each of the instances, these people were doing something completely within their rights to do but had enough self-awareness to recognize how it impacted me and generously made a self-effacing gesture of respect. They didn’t have to apologize and, in that type of scenario, I’m not going to lord their micro-submission over them.

But the equation changes once the offending behavior crosses the bounds of acceptable social behavior. Hairline social infractions are where the apology acceptance game really comes to life.

Appropriate (but not entirely necessary) apology scenarios include: someone trying to board an elevator before realizing you’re walking out, someone accidentally stopping short while walking right in front of you, and someone going all the way through the Subway sandwich station before mentioning they’re adding a second sandwich to the order.

Instances like these provide a great opportunity to turn a slight social sleight into a nose-rubbing victory that highlights your socially superior behavior while demonstrating your adversary’s inherently submissive disposition.

It’s important to be careful when accepting people’s awkward social apologies because it can also damage a relationship. Examples of situations where apologies are warranted but probably shouldn’t be accepted include: erectile dysfunction, inviting you into a house they haven’t had a chance to properly clean, and taking you on a date to Subway.

The key to responding to pleasantries that other people don’t actually mean to offer is to give a slight hiccup to the back-and-forth rhythms of our social lives. We all say and do incredibly stupid things all the time.

There is tremendous fun to be mined from our attempts to grease over the inevitable points of friction, but it’s only good fun when it highlights our dominance and pounds another into a fleeting (but never long-lasting) moment of submission.

Sorry if you disagree.

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