Welcome to my staged home, make an offer and it could be yours. Will simply meeting the list price be enough? Make the offer legally binding to find out!
All-cash offers are preferred but any will be entertained. Assuming pre-approval for mortgages, of course. We are civilized, after all.
You may notice some asphalt cracking in the driveway but luckily no grass ever grows between those cracks opening them wider with every new sprout. Please just ignore the mild weedwhacker-string-sized scuffing, that’s a naturally-occurring look.
Behold our curb appeal wonders!
Does the waving American flag make your patriotic heart sing? We fly it all the time and didn’t just rig it up at the last minute since the clamp broke last winter.
Marvel at the freshness and vibrancy of our garden bed mulch. While the lack of any shade whatsoever may hint that the beds bake in the summer sun for twelve hours a day, that can’t possibly be true. A garden bed like that would be overrun by weeds.
And how about the brightly-colored yellow wreath on the front door? This definitely didn’t come overnight from Amazon to replace the bunny that’s been up since Easter. It’s just one of our home’s many bright and cheery aspects.
Step right through our cobweb-free entryway to see my house not as I actually live in it but as you may someday pretend to live in it too.
It’s so bright and spacious with all the curtains and blinds open! You’d live this way too, it wouldn’t have any impact on your privacy or heating and cooling bills.
You’ll notice we don’t keep anything on our kitchen counters. We find that food and utensils only get in the way of all the fun we have polishing our granite counters.
Of course our dish soap and sponge are underneath the sink, where else would we keep them?
Were these fresh vegetables we’re displaying grown from the garden? We’ll never tell but believe me, they’re always in supply, even in the dead of winter.
Isn’t it amazing how all of the baseboards, windows, and door trims are the same color? It’s (probably) always been like that because this house was (probably) built with love.
It’s clear that the two rooms used as home offices hold very productive people because there isn’t any work at all on their desks. And the bookshelves are so well organized with no sprawling piles of books in front of them.
Wait a minute, didn’t the listing say this was a four-bedroom house? We must’ve somehow missed the hallway leading off from the dining room, for some unknown reason.
Wow, a second living room!? You could do SO MUCH LIVING here!
Oh goodness, a play kitchen with a beloved “silly old bear” stuck in the high chair. That unexpected surprise makes you feel good about this house, doesn’t it?
Now look on in amazement at my daughter’s nursery and picture yourself raising a child in this same space with nothing more than three stuffed animals and a nondescript ball for toys.
Wait, why doesn’t this room have windows? Do these monsters make their child sleep in a closet?
No! This windowless space is definitely not a closet; it’s just a room with closet-like tendencies.
Anyways, look at the adorable canvas print of our newborn daughter sleeping in her mother’s wedding veil for a quick dopamine rush.
Wondering where we store all those wipes and diapers? Our daughter hardly needs those, as you can clearly see. Just please, don’t look in my car’s trunk.
Wow, don’t the Shel Silverstein AND Dr. Seuss books prominently displayed on the shelf remind you of YOUR childhood? This closet feels nice.
Room!
This ROOM feels nice. Notice the ductwork and appropriate ventilation.
Wow, look at this master bathroom! Why is it painted like a Marriott suite? Because neutral colors are FUN!
It’s so cool how it has both a jacuzzi tub and a stand-alone shower. It’s great having two options: bathtub OR shower.
Just commit to one so you’ll never have to worry about getting awkwardly out of the tub then running to the shower to rinse off.
Now let’s go back out into the living room to get into the master bedroom.
Wait a second, is that a tiny stuffed owl having a tea party with an equally adorable stuffed pig? I hope that’s made you smile enough not to notice you had to go back through the living room to get to the master bedroom.
But don’t think about that (it’s perfectly normal), think about how big this bedroom is with only one dresser and no laundry hamper of any sort.
There are so many possibilities with this house!
Let’s check out the attached deck where we can enjoy the fire pit always stocked with fresh logs cut from downed tree limbs. Why worry about fall leaves when you could look forward to free firewood with every passing storm!?
Let’s just pause for a moment to relax and enjoy what the listing agent described as, “a piece of the country.”
Isn’t it nice and refreshing with no yellow jackets buzzing around?
Feel the sun on your face.
Hear the birds sing.
Watch the trees sway in the breeze.
You can almost hear the wind. It sort of sounds faintly like interstate traffic echoing up from the valley below, but it’s not. It’s the warm summer breeze.
This is starting to feel like home. Go ahead and make that legally binding offer so it can be yours. Best and final, please.
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