Everybody loves a surprise, but nobody loves every surprise.
Before we married, I made Jenny promise she would never throw me a surprise party. The very thought of everyone I know scheming behind my back makes me cringe. I don’t understand the appeal. Read More
If an alien randomly selected my home to learn about mankind, it would believe that the baby monitor is a deity I both worship and fear.
The baby monitor is the first thing I reach for in the morning and the last thing I look at most nights. It is a constant reminder that for the next several years, I’ll rarely ever be alone. Read More
Primary elections aren’t about government, they’re about values. Parenting basically follows the same formula. Read More
I used to think I liked watching the Oscars for the host’s monologue, then just sort of kept it on.
But after last year had no host, I realized that even though I haven’t seen the movies and can’t name most of the stars, I watch the Oscars every year because I like seeing other people thanked. Read More
All of my conversations with other babies’ parents consist of two parts: the agreement that we can’t compare how different babies develop, and the rest of the conversation where all we do is compare how our babies are developing.
Despite each of us agreeing that every baby develops differently, comparing babies is parents’ favorite pastime. Read More
I have the same response any time my parenting is either praised or questioned: “Well,” I say while gazing across the rim of my imaginary cognac glass, “I did study newborn parenting at Yale.”
I let this sit for awhile, basking in the glow of newfound respect emanating from my audience, despite knowing full well that my wife is about to clarify that my studies consisted of a single (free) Newborn Parenting Care Class at Yale New Haven Hospital, where we had our daughter. Read More
My wife and I are at an impasse over just how big of a role Santa Claus will play in our family.
She grew up in a family where Santa gave all of the presents to the kids and I grew up in one where he gave some of the presents and my parents gave the others. Read More
The nine-month mark is the twilight of infancy: just three more months until the milk and honey years of toddlerhood. Literally.
The doctor insists we hold off on introducing cow’s milk and honey until her first birthday; they’re the cigarettes and lotto tickets of toddlerhood.
Nine months is also a good time to once again take stock of what’s happening – a sort of quarterly review of this strange and glorious year. Read More
In the fall of 2003, it took me under an hour to load everything I owned into my truck and move to a new state. In the fall of 2019, it took me five hours to load my car for an overnight trip.
The difference?
A seven-month-old baby. Read More
It’s important to engage in honest self-reflection anytime we go through a period of pronounced change.
I recently engaged in such a self-reflection and came away troubled by how my new role as a parent has changed some of my daily norms.
Namely, I’m worried that parenting is grooming me to be a serial killer. Read More