Several months after moving into my current home (and the first I’ve ever owned), I was setting up a heating oil delivery and the operator asked for my nearest cross street.
I couldn’t answer her question.
In fact, I couldn’t name any other street in the neighborhood, but I was too embarrassed to admit it. Read More
I’ve always been fascinated by magic.
The only item I personally selected for our wedding registry was a magic kit. Sadly, it was one of the few items on our registry that nobody bought. Apparently, I’m alone in feeling that a place isn’t really home without at least a little bit of wonderment somewhere to be found. Read More
The best conversations I’ve ever had have been entirely in my head.
In my head, I always know the right to thing to say. I stand up for every wrong against myself or anyone else and say the smoothest lines that cause women to swoon and men to spontaneously cheer.
The only problem is, these conversations never make it out of my head. Read More
I used to think each new year needed to come with a resolution, but I gave up that nonsense years ago.
New Year’s resolutions are the willpower’s equivalent to setting three alarms because you know you’ll sleep past the first two. It is an exercise in tricking yourself into trying to be a better self, with a safety net to cushion your inevitable failure. Read More
I miss the prevalence of coin return slots. As a kid, I couldn’t pass a payphone or vending machine without pushing the coin return button and thrusting my fingers into the slot to see if there was any change inside.
Newspaper machines were my favorite and promised the biggest payout when they hit. A reward for persistence and for curiosity. Discovered treasure in a modern world.
I rarely ever put my fingers into strange places anymore… Read More
The first thing everyone notices when they walk into my house is the old box TV sitting prominently in my front living room. This seems like a source of embarrassment to most people, as one time, the front door hadn’t even shut when a visiting ten-year-old asked “How can you watch that thing!?”
It was perhaps the first picture tube his entitled little eyes had ever seen. Read More
During the recent hoopla over the latest lottery jackpot, I asked my wife what she would do with herself if money were no longer a concern. I don’t know what she said because as soon as I asked the question, I started thinking of my own answer and stopped listening.
This happens often.
My answer was simple – if I could do anything with my life, I would be a modern-day Andy Rooney. Mostly, just to get away with using words like “hoopla.” Read More