I was just outside the Canadian border in a Cracker Barrel men’s room soothing my shrieking three-month-old daughter as she covered her diapers, clothes, and changing pad with pee when I received my first Dad Nod.
“Been there,” said the middle-aged stranger with a snort and a laugh before unzipping his pants and urinating three feet beside me. My initiation was complete. Read More
Mother’s Day was supposedly created to honor mothers, but its real purpose is for them to scrutinize the severity of their kids’ senses of entitlement.
That’s fine, but the tables are quickly turned on the less lovable dads who are supposed to use their children as surrogates in a non-romanticized love fest that leaves them scratching their heads. Read More
April Fool’s Day celebrates humor that’s devoid of wit; it brings out all of the schmucks, especially the marketers who try to “win” the day with a viral campaign.
Pranks just don’t translate well online.
I miss the analog age of April Fool’s Day – back when you could shove a friend into a pool without first asking if he had his phone on him. Read More
St. Patrick’s Day is one of the few remaining holidays that isn’t protested like the way human rights activists protest Columbus Day, antislavery crusaders protest President’s Day, or light sleepers protest Martin Luther King Jr.’s having a dream.
St. Patrick’s Day is the rare holiday that tries to unify everyone around an ethnicity whether they actually have it or not. Read More
We’re coming up on a big week for eves, the biggest of the year by far. I’m a big fan of eve-based holidays, especially since I’m something of a night owl.
The cruel irony is that when you’re a child, Christmas Eve is the hardest night of the year to fall asleep, while New Year’s Eve is the hardest night of the year to stay awake. Read More
A good holiday song lightens your mood and puts you in the Christmas spirit; a great holiday song turns you into a child again on Christmas morning. Read More
One of my favorite parts of transitioning into the holiday season is reintroducing my Christmas sweater into my wardrobe rotation. I’m excited to finally wear it again this week. Read More
When I was in my twenties, the night before Thanksgiving was the Dia de Los Muertos of High School social groups. The one night out of the year when long-abandoned social circles from high school reappeared, powered by a strange sense of nostalgia and greeted with great merriment.
A more accurate term would’ve been La Noche de Los Binge Drinkers. Read More
One of the joys of homeownership that I’ve never experienced is handing out Halloween candy to trick-or-treaters from my own doorstep.
Every time I tell someone this, I do it with an air of sadness inviting their pity. Read More
I’ve always felt deep-seated pride when looking at the American flag. The concept of America inspires me with idealistic visions of human potential.
That’s why a wooden American flag hangs above my desk. I’ve spent a lot of time looking at it, but only recently discovered it has fifteen stripes instead of the customary thirteen. I counted them a dozen times then had Jenny count them too because math isn’t my “thing.” Read More