It degrades my wife (and all working moms) when people call me “Mr. Mom.”
I’ve lost track of how many times it’s happened during the fifteen months since I quit my job to care for our daughter.
My response is always the same: my daughter has a mom and she’s clearly better at it than yours if you’re saying something so stupid.
It’s time to destigmatize mothers who choose to include a career as part of their lives. We didn’t spend thousands of dollars and years of our time on my wife’s MBA just to have it sit unused – that’s why we have my law degree.
As a family, we’ve decided that it makes more sense for me to be a stay-at-home dad and for my wife, Jenny to keep working. This doesn’t make her any less of a mother or, conversely, make me any more of a father.
I can assure you, my wife is as much of a mom as any Mom who’s ever mommed. Not that it’s a competition. But if it were, she’d win.
Good parents act in the best interests of their families. Income, health insurance, and economic security are all vital parts of a healthy family, as are safety, nurturing, proper nutrition, and a comfortable home. The family is in crisis when any component is missing.
While my increased availability lists me as the primary caregiver on doctors’ office forms, we’re raising our child in a true partnership. And like everyone else, we’re figuring it out as we go.
Neither of us knows what our family dynamic will look like a year from now. If the global pandemic has taught us anything, it’s that everything can change overnight.
What I do know is that Jenny and I are always going to do what makes the most sense for our family, taking into account our physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health.
My future could just as easily have me dusting off my marketing portfolio, digging out my law degree, or putting a tiara on a stuffed animal’s head to add some class to our tea party.
I grew up watching sitcoms like Full House and My Two Dads, which were based on the premise that it’s hilarious to think of men as a child’s primary caregiver. That notion is now as outdated as one of Steve Guttenberg’s shirts in Three Men and a Baby.
Yet while society has moved beyond the point where being a stay-at-home dad is a punchline, working moms still keep taking it on the chin.
It isn’t right that so many people are just as quick to praise me, as a man, for having an active role in my daughter’s life while failing to account for the additional burdens Jenny takes on.
It’s ridiculous that working moms get both financially short-changed through pay gaps at work and emotionally short-changed by society.
A relative once reacted as though we were trying to strangle her with one of Betty Crocker’s apron strings when she learned that our division of labor didn’t fall in line with the 1950s norms she grew up cherishing.
Why should we model ourselves after a generation that left us in this mess and raised the generation who are now in charge and lack the character to get us through?
I’m inspired by the way my generation is parenting, especially the mothers who often take on the larger burden, but still never get the kind of credit for it that stay-at-home dads like me get.
In just the past few weeks alone, already overburdened parents have juggled a global pandemic, collapsing economy, and zero-notice mandatory inscriptions as school teachers with dignity, grace and charm while simultaneously managing households amidst overnight shortages in essential hygiene items and substantial disruptions to the food supply.
No matter how a family is adapting to these conditions, they’re heroic simply for having that capability.
This Mother’s Day, let’s finally let go of preconceived notions of gender-specific parenting roles and honor all of the contributions mothers make for their families, especially the ones where they adapt because of unforeseen circumstances.
That’s what we’ll be doing as we take turns handing off the baby to check what’s cooking on the grill.
Unless it rains; then, we’ll figure something else out.
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Happy Mother’s Day, Lady. Thank you for being the perfect mother for our family. We love you!
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