It’s hard to imagine a crisis better suited to Connecticut’s character than the novel coronavirus pandemic. The path forward until a proven cure or vaccine arrives is simple: wear a mask and socially distance.
Nothing’s hard about those actions. The hard part is adopting the routine then sticking to it.
No state is better suited for diligently sticking to a plan than Connecticut, the “Land of Steady Habits.” It helps that the strategy involves social distancing, one of our natural strengths.
How good is Connecticut at social distancing? Our most popular sports team has been in North Carolina since 1997.
Though I’ve lived in my current town for five years, I don’t need to worry about my neighbors infecting me because I still haven’t met them. The rule of thumb here is to wait seven years before introducing yourself to new neighbors just to make sure they get settled in okay.
Our natural snobbishness and aversion to outsiders have served us well during this pandemic.
It only took a global pandemic to reverse our decades-long real estate slide. Like empty nesters clearing out their kid’s bedroom to create a new home office, wealthy New Yorkers dusted off their driving gloves to rediscover the one thing Connecticut has always promised: to leave you the heck alone.
But a word of warning to our wealthy new transplants: once we know you, we really know you. Connecticut had contact tracing perfected long before coronavirus was a household word.
Any of our Little League Moms can tell you every person that each kid on their team has ever met, who his mother knows, and who his father knows maybe just a little too well.
Our contact tracing records go way back too. In Avon, where I grew up, I went to elementary school with direct descendants of Benjamin Franklin and Abraham Lincoln.
Both classmates left for fancy prep schools before high school. We have A LOT of those!
Our prep schools don’t only track their students’ contacts and movements, they also track each student’s genealogy, thoughts, and dreams.
And you don’t need to worry about public transportation as a virus spreader because we don’t have it! If there’s anyone you can trust to avoid mass transportation during a global pandemic, it’s a Nutmegger. Most of our kids have never even been on a school bus!
With businesses now working from home, it’s easy to trace how many people from the suburbs have had contact with our cities: none. Finally, our socio-economic segregation is working (in some twisted way) for the public good.
Our suburbanites are so against visiting cities even their Black Lives Matter protesters opted to stay closer to home with rallies in high-end towns like Simsbury and Westport.
Our tourism industry is well protected too since our most popular tourist spots are empty houses. (Trust me, you don’t know Mark Twain until you’ve seen a statue of him built out of Legos).
It took quite a bit of training, but the staff is up to speed on proper social distancing protocols at hotspots like the Noah Webster House (built circa 1750).
That’s right, our hotspots are so hot nobody knows exactly when they were built!
While Florida and South Carolina deflect college students raging at all-night parties on the beach, we just need to manage the crowd jostling to see the desk where America’s first dictionary was written.
All kidding aside, I’m very proud of how Connecticut has handled the coronavirus crisis so far. Our proximity to New York made us one of the earliest hotspots in the country.
While we were seeing positivity rates of 40% in April, we’ve been at or below 1% every day so far in July except one. My shoulders have stopped tensing up when I reach the obituaries in my newspaper as I’m no longer flipping through page after page.
Everyone in Connecticut stepped up. The people even more so than the hospitals and the government. We wear the masks. Our state never had to close our beaches or our parks because we learned to use them responsibly.
We shut down our schools but have high hopes for reopening them soon. Our summer camps are thriving with new procedures in place.
We are far from over this crisis, but July has provided us some breathing room to prepare for a possible second wave or spillover from the bedlam taking place in much of the rest of the country.
For my many friends and readers in current hotspots like Texas, Florida, and California: I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. The best thing you can do is make smart choices and hold steady.
When in doubt, roll up your shirt cuffs, brush off your khakis and ask: what would Connecticut do? Hint: It’s usually to just whatever New York City does but with a nicer lawn.
If you enjoy my humor writing, please subscribe below.
If you want to syndicate this column, you may contact me here to discuss the details.
You may notice that I’ve disabled commenting on this post. I’d love to hear your thoughts by email at [email protected].