Thin Meats and Thick Cheeses: Navigating the Deli Department
Cold cuts separate us from the barbarians.
Without deli meat we’d simply wander around at lunchtime gnawing on turkey legs and lamb shanks. Read More
8 Ways to (Almost) Make a Baby Laugh
I spend my days anxiously cycling through a routine of peek-a-boos, tickles, and funny voices chasing the most elusive laugh I’ve ever sought.
Following are the eight most promising ways I’ve identified to (almost) make a baby laugh: Read More
Baby on Board: Surreal Experiences Driving with a Baby
What are Baby on Board signs supposed to accomplish?
Rules of the road must apply universally across the board or else there’s chaos. Read More
The Irresistible Satisfaction of Saying I Told You So
My favorite words to say are “I told you so.”
The words flood my brain with a mixture of dopamine and self-satisfaction that makes me feel exceptional.
I used to feel guilty about this pleasure. Read More
Two Awards Received Twenty Years Apart
Receiving the “most school spirited” award from my graduating high school class seemed like a meaningless superlative until it became Exhibit A in defending why I should be allowed to graduate. Read More
Summer Transformations
Nothing is permanent in the summer; the plates are made of paper and the best restaurants are housed in plywood shacks.
Nobody wants to over-exert themselves. We insist our summer movies have loud explosions and easy plots. Even stuffy towns let loose with concerts on the green or movies in the park. Read More
Dad Nods: The Oddly Charming Way Other Dads Holla Atcha
I was just outside the Canadian border in a Cracker Barrel men’s room soothing my shrieking three-month-old daughter as she covered her diapers, clothes, and changing pad with pee when I received my first Dad Nod.
“Been there,” said the middle-aged stranger with a snort and a laugh before unzipping his pants and urinating three feet beside me. My initiation was complete. Read More
Dispatches from a Stay-at-Home Dad: Newborn Edition
Now that a full month has passed since my wife went back to work, I can reliably report that so long as my daughter Senita cannot crawl, walk, talk, or tell on me (and continues to nap frequently), I like being a stay-at-home dad.
That may change as her powers increase but I’m hopeful the experience will only get even better. Read More
Don’t Live Like You are Dying, Live Like You Won a Small Amount of Money on a Scratch Lotto Ticket
A terrible piece of advice I often hear repeated is to “live each day as if it were your last.” What a stupid thing to say.
As someone who would likely spend his last day having a panic attack and crying uncontrollably, my preferred standard is to live each day like you’ve just won a small amount of money on a scratch lotto ticket. Read More
What I See When I’m Inspecting My Fresh-Cut Lawn
I love a freshly cut lawn – especially when it’s mine. Many people enjoy the smell of freshly cut grass, but I’m most moved by how it looks when everything is neat and trim. Read More