Clip Show Column 2: The One-Liner Edition
Everyone loves a redemption story.
This week’s column features the best lines cut from my weekly columns in 2019. Read More
Oh Crap, I’m Middle-Aged: Why’d I Google That?
This is the year that I officially become middle-aged.
My sincere apologies to the rose-colored optimists in their “nifty fifties” still cackling about the challenges of middle age, but the truth is that half of the average life expectancy is 38 for men and 40.5 for women.
Since I’m a glass of prune juice is half-full kind of guy, I use the gender-neutral 39 plus change. Read More
Good Night Suburban Home
During our season’s first snowfall, I can’t help but ponder how suburban life is a storybook existence. Read More
This Year I’m Thankful for Naps
My favorite nap is always the one I’m about to take – especially this year following the birth of my daughter Senita. Read More
When Expectations Confront Reality
The story of my daughter’s birth is a good example of what sometimes happens when expectations confront reality. Read More
What It’s Like to Raise a 9-Month-Old Baby
The nine-month mark is the twilight of infancy: just three more months until the milk and honey years of toddlerhood. Literally.
The doctor insists we hold off on introducing cow’s milk and honey until her first birthday; they’re the cigarettes and lotto tickets of toddlerhood.
Nine months is also a good time to once again take stock of what’s happening – a sort of quarterly review of this strange and glorious year. Read More
Elections Have Consequences, Don’t Be One of Them
One year from today will be my fortieth birthday but nobody will care because one year from today is also the 2020 Presidential election.
I’m thinking about going to Ireland that week. No man should have to ponder his own life’s meaning with Chris Matthews yammering in the background. Read More
Outsourcing Halloween Costume Anxiety
First-year parenting decisions set your family expectations. Especially with holiday celebrations where snap decisions snowball into lifetime traditions in the blink of a Christmas tree light.
This week I’m breathing a sigh of relief because of an important Halloween decision my wife Jenny and I made: we’re a store-bought costume household. Read More
Baby Peepers Lurk Among Us
Baby peepers combine the best of humanity (babies) with the worst (energy-sucking leaches).
Unlike seasonal leaf peepers, baby peepers are always lurking, eager to siphon off my daughter Senita’s happiness during even our most mundane activities. Read More
Let’s Change Columbus Day to Capitalism Day
Christopher Columbus didn’t sail west in search of new rules of parliamentary procedure, he wanted that next spice everyone would just have to have.
His modern counterparts don’t work for NASA, they work for Frito Lay pushing out new potato chip flavors like Biscuits & Gravy. Read More