Chris Gaffney, Author at Uncommon Discourse

Wrestlemania Hankerings

Apr 8, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnPop Culture Humor

In high school, we were required to do a Senior Mastery Project that explored the human condition. I did mine on professional wrestling tying into archetypal character types. I’ve since learned that it isn’t the characters that connect to the human condition, but the storytelling itself.

Wrestling is never about what has happened; the action always hinges on the suspense of what’s going to happen next. Appreciating this fact is essential to understanding why today, Wrestlemania Sunday, is the greatest entertainment day of the year. Read More

Going Through Life with a Refrigerator Mindset

Apr 1, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnMusings Humor

Most of the time, I have refrigerator mind, which is where my brain is just quietly humming along, kicking in and out as necessary with no external prompting needed to maintain operations.

For a while, this seemed to be increasing with my age, which worried me somewhat, that it could be a warning sign of memory loss or worse. I feared it could signal that my attention span was getting shorter or that my personal ambitions were being curtailed. Read More

Nothing’s More Alluring than that Which May Yet Come

Mar 25, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnMusings Humor

It would be a shame to go through life without ever experiencing the lightness of heart that comes with a solo one-way road trip. My early adult years were full of them. One of my many guilty pleasures has always been indulging in my own potential.

A solo one-way road trip is where you simply pick up and leave everything behind with the hope of finding meaning at your destination (or at least something different and possibly better). Read More

My Forsaken Future as the Best Harmonica Player in the World

Mar 18, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnMusings Humor

I keep this harmonica on one of my shelves. It isn’t very old, Jenny gave it to me a few Christmases ago inside of my stocking. It was a very sweet gesture after we came across one at a gift shop and I got nostalgic about my former dream of being the best harmonica player in the world.…

Why I’d Never Time Travel

Mar 11, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnMusings Humor

People often ask me, if I could time travel, where in time would I go?

Having studied the classics including every Terminator movie, both Bill and Ted’s, and each episode of Quantum Leap, my answer is clear: if I could travel anywhere in time, I’d go nowhere. Read More

The Best Customer Service Skill is Discretion

Mar 4, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnSociety Humor

Gas station attendants have a unique view of society. I learned this at age sixteen when I started working at the neighborhood station in my small, suburban town.

It was a Getty, tucked in a residential area and offering food essentials, convenience products, and impulse indulgences.

The owner knew most customers by name and encouraged me to make as many personal relationships as possible. It wasn’t a good fit. Read More

Every Time I Order Coffee at a Restaurant, I Fear the Waitstaff Hates Me

Feb 25, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnSociety Humor

Every time I order coffee at a restaurant, I fear the waitstaff hates me. Several friends who’ve worked as servers have confirmed that this is likely true.

Not sophisticated enough for the bartender, but more complicated than either soda or water, coffee is by far, the highest maintenance drink. Read More

The Comforting Joy of Repeat Vacation Destinations

Feb 18, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnFamily Humor

One of my favorite things to do is to return somewhere I’ve been before and mention all the ways that things have changed. I’m usually not upset about the change, I just like mentioning how things hadn’t always been that way, then, I comment on the change as if some meaning could be derived from the change itself. Read More

Valentine’s Day Presents Worth Remembering

Feb 11, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnHoliday Humor

One of my favorite things about my relationship with Jenny is our tradition of giving each other memorable dates as Valentine’s Day gifts.

Coming so quickly after Christmas, we’d normally be hard put to think of another material item that would shock or delight the other, and routine purchases hardly seem romantic. Read More

I Haven’t Known Where I Am for Over Twelve Years

Feb 4, 2018Chris GaffneyWeekly Discourse ColumnMusings Humor

Several months after moving into my current home (and the first I’ve ever owned), I was setting up a heating oil delivery and the operator asked for my nearest cross street.

I couldn’t answer her question.

In fact, I couldn’t name any other street in the neighborhood, but I was too embarrassed to admit it. Read More

Uncommon Discourse

by Chris Gaffney

Author: Chris Gaffney