Perhaps the most shocking realization from my entry into adulthood was that trash collection isn’t free. Since that moment, an inordinate amount of my life has been spent thinking about and handling trash.
I’ve lived three different trash-collecting lifestyles, each with a drastically different day-to-day flow. Read More
One of my favorite tricks to raise my wife Jenny’s mood is to ask her to pick a favorite date from all of the dates we’ve ever been on together.
Depending on her mood, the answer is often different and it’s hard not to smile once you rattle a few off. Read More
I love playing competitive yard games, even though I’m not particularly good at them; being bad at them is part of the fun. Nobody likes to lose, but if you ever find yourself angry while holding a bean bag in one hand and a beer in another, it’s time to re-evaluate your life decisions. Read More
I’ve never watched an episode of Family Feud without getting extremely upset.
If there’s one thing that show has taught me it’s that when you ask a hundred people the same question you’re going to get some stupid answers. Read More
An Air Conditioning Enforcer’s creed:
This is my Lasergrip infrared thermometer. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Read More
I suffer from seating anxiety.
Seating anxiety, for those blissfully ignorant few who do not share the affliction, is when you show up somewhere and immediately become terrified that there will not be a seat for you. Read More
When everyone has a superpower, nobody is interesting at all.
By putting superheroes in every summer blockbuster, Hollywood is presenting us with the NBA Jams version of entertainment: all slam dunks with no focus on the fundamentals.
It is a cautionary tale of what happens when creativity chases the path of least resistance. Read More
Nobody waves hello in Connecticut. I didn’t notice it at first; Jenny had to point it out.
A well-recognized rule of living in Connecticut is that you don’t actually exist unless you were born here or have resided here for at least twenty years.
Anything less is considered “just passing through.” Read More
The only real benefit I ever get from working on my lawn is having a nicer yard to continue working in.
Each chore springs from another like a Russian nesting doll of responsibility transferring more and more of each week’s paycheck straight to Lowe’s. Read More
There is little else in the world as interesting to me as a fair. I love everything about them – the lights, the noise, the games, the poorly health-inspected food – but mostly, the people. I can watch fair people for hours.
My favorite place is the funhouse around dusk when overstimulated kids on their third hour of a sugar high go running full force into plexiglass walls they choose not to see. There’s something for everyone at the fair. Read More