Baby peepers combine the best of humanity (babies) with the worst (energy-sucking leaches).
Unlike seasonal leaf peepers, baby peepers are always lurking, eager to siphon off my daughter Senita’s happiness during even our most mundane activities. Read More
Christopher Columbus didn’t sail west in search of new rules of parliamentary procedure, he wanted that next spice everyone would just have to have.
His modern counterparts don’t work for NASA, they work for Frito Lay pushing out new potato chip flavors like Biscuits & Gravy. Read More
I recently witnessed the end of an argument between a restaurant owner and a customer. I don’t know what started the argument but I’m certain that I know who’s right: the owner.
Only idiots still believe that “the customer is always right.” Nowadays, customers are almost always wrong – especially this one. Read More
Nobody likes to feel stupid so it is infuriating when our language trips us up. I’m not talking about auto-correct or remembering which too to use, I’m talking about blatantly butchering a word and being too stupid to know.
This happens to me all the time. Read More
We’re thrilled to launch a full first season of The Uncommon Discourse Podcast, where acclaimed storyteller Chris Gaffney reads and discusses ten of his most popular humor columns. Read More
One of the most remarkable things about aging is that while I feel that I understand people better than I ever have before, the world itself has become more of a mystery. Read More
In the fall of 2003, it took me under an hour to load everything I owned into my truck and move to a new state. In the fall of 2019, it took me five hours to load my car for an overnight trip.
The difference?
A seven-month-old baby. Read More
Last year, I encountered a life hack video with a claim just stupid enough to catch my attention: that I’m using can openers the wrong way.
“Impossible,” I thought while clicking through to verify my mastery of simple machinery.
I was shocked – floored, really – when the video proved itself correct. Read More
Throughout my childhood and well past college, I bought into the belief that summer begins when school gets out and ends when it comes back. This pattern (at least in New England) is modeled after peak crop-growing times and roughly correlates with the passage of seasons.
Then I spent three summers in Austin, Texas (or as they call it: years). Read More
Many people believe that when we die our lives flash before our eyes. If that’s true, I hope it flashes backward.
A linear replaying would be nice, but reruns bore me. It would be way better to see everything in reverse order to offer a new perspective. Read More