My favorite words to say are “I told you so.” The words flood my brain with a mixture of dopamine and self-satisfaction that makes me feel exceptional.

I used to feel guilty about this pleasure.

For years I worried that relishing the saying of “I told you so’’ showed hubris and revealed an insufferable amount of arrogance. 

I’m still open to the likelihood that it does, but now accept this fact about myself as part of who I am and allow myself to bask in the enjoyment of sometimes being right.

Why? Because I know you feel the exact same way. We all do.

‘I told you so’-ism is everywhere in society. It should be our national slogan.

I’ve never heard someone use “E Pluribus Unum” in a conversation, but I constantly hear people saying “I told you so.”

“I told you so” is a phrase none of us like to hear but all of us love to say. It is more than an expression, it is a concept that can also be translated without words. Old people do it with a clearing of the throat while millennials do it by bumping a time-stamped tweet.

Five hundred years later we still revere the shyster Nostradamus because he had the wherewithal to post-date his “I told you so’s” and shroud them in mystery.

We are a nation of amateur soothsayers going from cubicle to cubicle collecting ten-dollar March Madness bracket fees for the chance to say “I told you so” the loudest.

We’re addicted to the thrill.

Riddles are the gateway we push our children through to start them on their life-long “I told you so” spirals.

Just as sacramental wine associates alcohol and salvation into the minds of children, cartoons, toys, and even popsicle sticks use riddles to hook them on the joy of being right.

What goes up but never comes down? Your need to demonstrate to others that you’re smart.

Trivia is the next twist in the spiral adding speed as a mixer to make “I told you so” moments even sweeter.

You simply can’t compare the rush of getting a single crossword line correct with quickly solving a Wheel of Fortune puzzle as ‘Paths of Salvation’ while a friend is still babbling out ‘Plate of Spaghetti.’

But salvation can’t be found on the Wheel. Prizes top out at either a Ford Focus or a five-night Carnival cruise.

Nevertheless, we chase the thrill. My life has been defined it and I offer my story now as a cautionary tale.

I was born into the darkness. Every moment of my childhood was spent struggling for the right to say, “I told you so.”

Bragging rights were my family’s social currency. It started innocently enough with my brothers and I trying to predict small things like what prize was inside a box of Cracker Jacks, or who’s food the waitress would deliver first.

By our teenage years we were out of control. My rock bottom was hoping that nobody else visited a loved one at the nursing home across the street from my home because it was 11:58 AM and I had the closest prediction for how many cars would be in the parking lot at noon on Christmas Day.

Heed this warning before venturing too far down the “I told you so” spiral: being right doesn’t usually matter. Enjoy the opportunities when they present themselves but do so in moderation.

Otherwise, you’ll find yourself sitting next to me in the darkness. And when I turn to you and smile, you’ll have already guessed the first four words that I will say.

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